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Melantrys’ Page » funny

Archive for the ‘funny’ Category

Got any lawn to mow?

Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009

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What with the Federal Elections looming on the horizon at the end of this month, all parties are busy holding rallies to catch more voters.

All parties?
Yes, all parties, unfortunately so, including the far-right NPD (Nationaldemokratische Partei Deutschlands - National-Democratic Party of Germany).

As so far all plans and/or attempts to forbid the NPD have led to nothing1 holding rallies is their protected right as a registered political party.

So on the 28th of last month the NPD was holding a rally in Kochel am See in Bavaria.
The original plan had been to simply ignore them, mayor Thomas W. Holz (33, CSU) told newspapers in an interview.
This was proving difficult though, as the NPD came “armed” with megaphones and huge loudspeakers, effectively drowning Town Hall and the surrounding area in their right wing drivel.

Not easy to ignore such a racket.

And then…2

… a resident started mowing his lawn.

Another one “remembered” he had some urgent work to do that required the use of a buzz saw.

This inspired another to do some serious work in his garden with a chainsaw.

Other residents got out their lawnmowers and chainsaw as well.

Yet others drove by Town Hall with their tractors and cars, honking their horns.

According to the mayor the NPD could not interest anyone in their flyers either, and “Kochel has never been mowed so tidily before”.

:applause: :unworthy: :rofl:

.

Sources (in German):

Politblogger

tz-online

.

  1. only due to
    1. some formalities, not to the party not being a danger to our constitution and
    2. the thought that a registered party is easier to monitor than the members of a forbidden party gone underground [back]
  2. says mayor Holz [back]

Melantrys’ Dictionary of Little Known Words

Wednesday, July 15th, 2009

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to snarfle (verb)

Snarfling is like quaffing, only with solids instead of a liquid.

Example: “Will you look at that carpet!?! I really don’t get why people have to snarfle their popcorn right here in the foyer of the cinema.”

© 2009/07/11 the nasty kitten

Melantrys’ Almanach of Astonishing Flora

Tuesday, July 29th, 2008

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Today will mark the launch of - hopefully - a series of informative posts on… well… flora.
Otherwise known as plants.
Or “that green stuff with the nice colourful blobs”.

Whichever definition you prefer1 I am going to take you places2 that you’ve probably never been to before: to see some more… unusual… plants.

Almost everyone has heard of lilies, and a lot of people have actually seen lilies.

What most people are completely unaware of though are the few fascinating3 and rare species this particular plant has developed.

.

Lilium Erotica

lilium erotica
lilium erotica

A rather big flowered species of lily that produces a huge amount of blooms in showy colours, smells extremly strongly and produces twice the amount of pollen that most other lily species produce.
Possesses a strong sex drive.

.

Lilium Perversum

lilium perversum
lilium perversum

A subspecies of lilium erotica.
Possesses a strong, uncurbed sex drive.
Actively pollinates everything from unrelated plants like hibiscus over animals to humans.
The pollen is very aggressive and almost impossible to wipe off. In case of contact it is recommended to wash it off with soap and water. Feel free to liberally use disinfectant - you never know where the pollen has been before.

.

  1. you’re even allowed to make up your own [back]
  2. figuratively speaking [back]
  3. if at times somewhat bizarre [back]

Save the cows!!!!!

Wednesday, November 14th, 2007

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Today it happened again.
A customer asked if we had cow mulch.

I say the time has come to stop this barbaric shredding of cows!
What sane person can pour bits and pieces of cows onto his or her flowerbed and feel nothing wrong with it?! (Not to mention the blood seeping into the ground water….)

cows
Run, cows, ruuuuuun!!!!!

Or…

… maybe they meant bark mulch?

:rofl:

Let me give you a quick German lesson:

Mulch - - - mulch

Rind - - - cow
Rinder - - - cows
Rindermulch - cow mulch

Rinde - - - bark
Rinden - - - barks
Rindenmulch - bark mulch

Dear customers, the only cow product you can buy for your garden is cow crap dung (Rinderdung).
Ah, you think Rindermulch is bark mulch? Sorry, no. Please go back to school and learn the basics of your mother tongue. While you’re there maybe someone’ll teach you the difference between going to and after people as well…

*sighs mournfully*

Polite spam?

Sunday, March 25th, 2007

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:think: :-??

spam

:rofl:

Ah, I love my favourite forum!!!

Thursday, November 3rd, 2005

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This post is dedicated to [c]oma (although he does not deserve it, bastard that he is for not reading my blog!), cos he made me laugh so hard just a few minutes ago.
Or was that the blueberry Glühwein I have been drinking, and not the joke as such…?

Thread: What are you wearing atm ?

Frenzie: I thought this was the drunken babbel draad?

A few minutes later:

Thread: drunbkene balebble thraed!

Frenzie: Oh crap this is the drunkel balebbelble topic.

[c]oma: User error: replace user and press any key to continue

*picks herself off floor again*

Well, either the joke or the wine is really good. Who cares which of the two it is….

*wanders off to heat some more of the stuff*

*sips*

*laughs some more*

Anyway. As my sister so cunningly advertised in my comments section she has made a post ridiculing babelfish.
Note to readers: Don’t go there if you don’t speak German.

Hah! Babelfish! I remember the famous days of my endless chat sessions with Drew, the crazy Australian (Where’s the meme, you senile bugger?!)…. At some point he wanted to “pretend that he knew German”. Oh my, that was so funny. There was not one sentence that made any sense.
Babelfish is no help at all if you seriously wish to translate stuff, but it can sure entertain you for hours….
After I had explained to Drew how to pronounce “Sackgesicht” (literally: scrotum face; one of the funkier German swearwords….) - yes, Australians like to broaden their horizon as well - he entered it into babelfish, and decided that the result (”sack face”) was a very nice swearword as well.
Hey, Drew, can you still say it? :) Got any new German colleagues to use it on???

Damn, that is some nice Glühwein.

Er.

Oh, yeah, sister.


Look, it’s Shit for Brains, er, Fiona!!!

Got nothing else to say for today, except that Ç. quit, and that’s a shame….

I’m working in a zoo….

Sunday, October 30th, 2005

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Was too busy yesterday to post but this is just too funny. Well, at least to me it is.

At the end of each work day the Warengruppenbericht (containing, among other things, the day’s earnings) has to be faxed to Central.
The regular fax machine is broken, so until it is fixed (erm, ok, until the boss manages to re-install it…..) we are using his own private rather ancient fax machine.
It has been explained to Şişko, and she has used it in the past already.
The boss left early on Friday, it was my afternoon off, but still… no worries. All the difficult comp work for the day had been finished by the boss.
So.
On Saturday morning I checked the fax machine for the meter of requests from other branches and the spam we keep getting. And what else did I find? A copy of the Warengruppenbericht….
Now.
To fax, you insert the paper, printed side up. Then you pick up the connected phone and dial the number of the fax machine you want to send it to. When it starts beeping and screeching into your ear, you press the large “Start/Testkopie” button on the fax machine, then hang up the phone.
If you totally forget this rather extensive activity with the phone and just press the “Start/Testkopie” button the fax does what the button’s name suggests - make a rather ugly copy on fax paper.

*smirks*

The fax machine also prints a regular sending report (and luckily it had done so early yesterday morning) or I might have been moved to just destroy the copy (nice person that I am) and fax the Warengruppenbericht. But the lack of faxing activity shows up on the report of course, and the boss would wonder at that. And my love for that colleague really doesn’t run so deep that I’d destroy that report as well; the boss would miss it.
So I faxed the thing, made a note on the copy saying that I had, stapled it to the report and put it on the boss’s desk for his reading pleasure when he’ll be back on Wednesday…

Also - Şişko never tiring of telling the boss how lazy I am and the like (not true!) - I immediately informed A. and S. of what she had done.
That brightened up our day a treat. :)

Still no sign of Orlando….