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Melantrys’ Page » Blog Archive » The bird protection net as perceived by a female blackbird

The bird protection net as perceived by a female blackbird


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Oooooooh, blueberries!!!!
Yum, yum, yum!

Eh! Whazzat?
What’s all this green webby stuff doing in front of the berries?
I want berries!
There must be a way through this to the berries…

*stagger*
Drat, now my foot got caught in this weird green webby stuff.

*twist, flap*
Aargh, my wing, my wing!!!

*twist, flap, hop*
My other foot, oh, my god, oh, my gooooooood!!!!

*flap, flap, hop, twirl, kick dust*

Um.

Help?

Oh, oh, oh, shiiiiit, a huge monster!!
*duck*

Phew, it’s going away again.
Oh, no, there it comes again!!
Heeeelp.
*duck, crawl, pathetically flap*

No, no, don’t…. Aargh, it got me, it got me, help!!!

*screech, flap, struggle*

What’s that?
Oh, no, this is cold and looks dangerous.
And it’s making weird snipping sounds.
Heeeeelp!!

*screech, struggle, bite monster*

It’s letting me go, it’s letting me…. no, it just took me in its other paw.

*peck, screech*

(various repeats of *screech*, *struggle*, *peck* and *bite* while the monster shuffles it from paw to paw and the dangerous looking cold thing keeps making terrifying snipping noises)

*bites into thickest looking claw*

Noooo, what now, the monster is standing up! It’s moving, it’s moving!

It’s bending down again.

What…. it let go of me, it let go of me!!!!

*lets go of the monster’s thumb and flies away, loudly screaming defiance at the monster*

*sits down in tree and unruffles feathers*

*ponders*

Oh, cool, all that icky green webby stuff is gone.
Lucky me that this weird stuff fell off again.

.

Author’s note: lucky you I found you before the neighbours’ cat did…

38 Responses to “The bird protection net as perceived by a female blackbird”

  1. Lynnette in Minnesota Says:

    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /www/htdocs/w0081e40/wp-includes/formatting.php on line 75

    :lol: :lol: :lol:

    And there go the other fingers!

    Bound and determined to injure the rest, eh? :P

    But very kind to give the blackbird a reprieve. :)

    Blueberries? Have you been growing them long? Any tips on feeding, trimming etc? My sister-in-law just planted a couple of bushes.

  2. nastyKitten Says:

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    Loooool, I just laughed my head off!
    Great post, sis - more, more, more!

    By the way: did you find a manual for the cell phone last night?

  3. Melantrys Says:

    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /www/htdocs/w0081e40/wp-includes/formatting.php on line 75

    @ Lynnette: Actually, that didn’t even hurt; it was merely annoying.

    Cutting birds out of those nets has a long family tradition. First time though I had to do it alone and thus with only 2 hands….

    Well….. we planted one blueberry bush this spring.
    It developed flowers, which eventually turned into a dozen or so blueberries.
    Not bad for a first year I suppose.
    My father said blueberries normally need sour soil, but the gardening catalogue praised them as a special breed that grows on any soil… :dunno:

    @ the nasty Kitten: What, more stupid birds? ;)

    Yeeeeeees, I found 2 online, a German and an English one.
    They answered the question I asked you, but various others I encountered - while merely trying to set the time and the alarms - they didn’t even touch upon.
    “Do this, click here, set that, click over there.”
    Well, er, yes, dear manual. But I was wondering how exactly I have to go about setting that

    I never once needed the manual you gave me for the other one cos every function was simply obvious.
    But this one is driving me nuts.
    I did figure out how to set the time zones though without the “help” of the manual. Well, I had to. It was one of those questions it didn’t answer.
    Could it be the people who wrote the manual had no clue how the bloody thing works? :shifty:

  4. pandora Says:

    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /www/htdocs/w0081e40/wp-includes/formatting.php on line 75

    LOL
    The Melantrys Monster! NOOOOOOoooooooooo!!!

  5. Lynnette in Minnesota Says:

    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /www/htdocs/w0081e40/wp-includes/formatting.php on line 75

    My father said blueberries normally need sour soil, but the gardening catalogue praised them as a special breed that grows on any soil…

    Ahh, my mother said the same thing. That’s why you see them growing in the wild around pine trees. She suggested adding some Miracid to the soil. Well, I guess you will see if the label on yours is right. It sounds like you have a good start.

    Oh, and I agree with Nasty Kitten. An excellent post. :)

  6. nastyKitten Says:

    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /www/htdocs/w0081e40/wp-includes/formatting.php on line 75

    Hm… so it looks like I don’t have to look for the manual now…? Because that effing cell drove me nuts, too. And the manual was every bit as helpful as those you found.

    *wonders if she ritually burned the manual, then repressed the memory of doing so* :D

  7. Caesar of Pentra Says:

    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /www/htdocs/w0081e40/wp-includes/formatting.php on line 75

    Mmm, what was the icky green stuff? Mmmm, nice thing u know “birds language”!

  8. Caesar of Pentra Says:

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    i’m online but u r not talking @ all.

  9. Melantrys Says:

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    @ Lelly: *glares*

    @ Lynnette: :blush:

    @ nasty Kitten: But what if I feel the urge to ritually burn something….?

    @ Caesar: Read post title? ;)

    Concerning the messenger: I was talking, dear, but whatever you said, I didn’t get any of that either.

    Good night.

  10. Caesar of Pentra Says:

    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /www/htdocs/w0081e40/wp-includes/formatting.php on line 75

    Dammit! Damn my evil Y! messenger.

  11. Caesar of Pentra Says:

    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /www/htdocs/w0081e40/wp-includes/formatting.php on line 75

    btw, Lelly’s url directs to “Mega site of Bible studies” site! ;)

  12. Melantrys Says:

    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /www/htdocs/w0081e40/wp-includes/formatting.php on line 75

    @ Caesar (again): *damns your messenger as well*

    Yeah, and as sites that you get redirected to by mispelling often used stuff like “blogspot” are often riddled with viruses, your comment is not true anymore.
    I edited Lelly’s url, so it spells the correct one and leads to her blog now.

  13. khalid jarrar Says:

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    i read this post and i have to say, i have absolutely no idea what you are talking about :|

  14. Melantrys Says:

    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /www/htdocs/w0081e40/wp-includes/formatting.php on line 75

    *lols @ Khalid*

  15. Lynnette in Minnesota Says:

    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /www/htdocs/w0081e40/wp-includes/formatting.php on line 75

    Hmmm…obviously Khalid is not a fan of blueberries and thus doesn’t understand the lengths people will go to protect their crop from a bird’s ravagement… :D

    (Of course one could substitute raspberries for blueberries and you would see why I can empathize completely with this post. ;) )

  16. attawie Says:

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    You just took me out of the Boring Kingdom into the Giggling Empire :D
    love it!

    good to know that the creature did not harm your other finger :)

    I want blueberries! It’s the only fruit i never found in UAE :(

  17. le..Pandora Says:

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    Um, hello, I had a name change people?
    *glares at melleh and caesar*

    I’m curious about where my URL lead to now…jesus freaks eh? always good for a laugh :P

  18. nastyKitten Says:

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    I keep coming back here and reading this post, Sis.

    GnngnnbwnnnngnbwahaahaaaaHAAAAAAAA!

    :D

  19. nastyKitten Says:

    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /www/htdocs/w0081e40/wp-includes/formatting.php on line 75

    Just translated your post for Hubby. He said to tell you that he laughed his head off, too.
    I’m here to testify that he’s telling the truth.

  20. David Says:

    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /www/htdocs/w0081e40/wp-includes/formatting.php on line 75

    Nice going Mel, rescuing that blueberry gluttonous blackbird from The Death of Birds. ;)

  21. Melantrys Says:

    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /www/htdocs/w0081e40/wp-includes/formatting.php on line 75

    @ Lynnette: Or maybe Khalid only read two or three sentences and skimmed through the rest. :P

    @ Attawie: Glad to have been of help.

    This is especially funny as a colleague at work kept ducking away from a blackbird that had flown into the store and that we were trying to capture and show out again because “Do you have any idea how sharp their beaks can be?”.
    Yes, dear, now I do, and the answer is “not at all”. :rofl:

    You can’t have any of my blueberries, sorry.

    Pandora: So what; when I asked you about that other edit you said either was ok. :P

    Well, like I said, my guess’d be less Jesus freak and more virus site.
    I can’t see some Bible fans redirecting everyone who misspells “blogspot” to their site…

    @ nasty Kitten: Can I get you anything that’d help with your memory? :|

    @ bro-in-law: :blush:

  22. Lynnette in Minnesota Says:

    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /www/htdocs/w0081e40/wp-includes/formatting.php on line 75

    @ Lynnette: Or maybe Khalid only read two or three sentences and skimmed through the rest. :P

    Skimmed? Skimmed?

    Now there are definitely people out there who are deserving of skimming, but you are not. ;)

    *gives Khalid an offended look on Mel’s behalf*

  23. Lynnette in Minnesota Says:

    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /www/htdocs/w0081e40/wp-includes/formatting.php on line 75

    It’s nice to see that Anarki is still alive and hasn’t been swallowed whole by Twitter. :D

  24. Lynnette in Minnesota Says:

    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /www/htdocs/w0081e40/wp-includes/formatting.php on line 75

    Unlike some people (whose name rhymes with Caesar) who are still on decades old posts… :P

  25. PH Says:

    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /www/htdocs/w0081e40/wp-includes/formatting.php on line 75

    Really funny post, like your imagination ;). I thought I had commented on it a few days ago; but I think in my haste ( was at work at the time ) I clicked the preview button instead of the post one :P.

  26. nastyKitten Says:

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    “@ nasty Kitten: Can I get you anything that’d help with your memory? :|

    Eh? What’s wrong with my memory?

    By the way, great post! I’ve just discovered it and laughed my head off! ;)

  27. Melantrys Says:

    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /www/htdocs/w0081e40/wp-includes/formatting.php on line 75

    @ Lynnette: *gives Khalid an offended look on Mel’s behalf*

    Thank you, thank you.

    Now quit spamming, girl!! *stern look*

    @ PH: No matter what you do, it’s always wrong.
    First, ppl complained they wanted a preview function.
    Now, ppl don’t comment cos they confuse the two buttons (you’re not the first, and certainly won’t be the last….).

    *sighs*

    @ nasty Kitten: *patpat* :shifty:

  28. PH Says:

    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /www/htdocs/w0081e40/wp-includes/formatting.php on line 75

    @ Mel :

    I wasn’t complaining I was just justifying my delay in commenting :P. Plus I commented even after confusing the buttons, you can switch them it would make more sense :P.

  29. David Says:

    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /www/htdocs/w0081e40/wp-includes/formatting.php on line 75

    So, what do German villagers think of the new Harry Potter movie?

  30. pandora Says:

    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /www/htdocs/w0081e40/wp-includes/formatting.php on line 75

    David,
    Teh Mel does not like Harry Potter..tsk.
    However -I have to say, seeing your comment, it was really good! I was shocked! I expected it to be rubbish tbh.
    I really enjoyed it it was well done. :D

  31. Melantrys Says:

    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /www/htdocs/w0081e40/wp-includes/formatting.php on line 75

    @ PH: Excuses, excuses.

    Anyhow, I am glad I did find a plugin for comment preview to make my readers happy (*glances at Lynnette*), I’m not gonna destroy it now by messing around with it…

    @ David: Sorry, I can’t hear you.

    @ Pandora: Oh, cool, an automated answering service! :D

  32. Lynnette in Minnesota Says:

    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /www/htdocs/w0081e40/wp-includes/formatting.php on line 75

    Anyhow, I am glad I did find a plugin for comment preview to make my readers happy (*glances at Lynnette*), I’m not gonna destroy it now by messing around with it…

    :)

  33. anarki13 Says:

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    Madam, for lack of other words suitable to the caliber of this posting:

    IT.

    IS.

    BADASS.

    really awesome :) no seriously, you should write stuff you know. I’d buy it (with real money, especially now i’ve gotten used to paying for stuff i download, online, you know :P )

  34. Melantrys Says:

    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /www/htdocs/w0081e40/wp-includes/formatting.php on line 75

    @ Lynnette: *takes a bow*

    @ Anarki: :blush:

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    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /www/htdocs/w0081e40/wp-includes/formatting.php on line 75

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    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /www/htdocs/w0081e40/wp-includes/formatting.php on line 75

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    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /www/htdocs/w0081e40/wp-includes/formatting.php on line 75

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