Melantrys’ Almanach of Astonishing Flora
Today will mark the launch of - hopefully - a series of informative posts on… well… flora.
Otherwise known as plants.
Or “that green stuff with the nice colourful blobs”.
Whichever definition you prefer1 I am going to take you places2 that you’ve probably never been to before: to see some more… unusual… plants.
Almost everyone has heard of lilies, and a lot of people have actually seen lilies.
What most people are completely unaware of though are the few fascinating3 and rare species this particular plant has developed.
.
Lilium Erotica
lilium erotica
A rather big flowered species of lily that produces a huge amount of blooms in showy colours, smells extremly strongly and produces twice the amount of pollen that most other lily species produce.
Possesses a strong sex drive.
.
Lilium Perversum
lilium perversum
A subspecies of lilium erotica.
Possesses a strong, uncurbed sex drive.
Actively pollinates everything from unrelated plants like hibiscus over animals to humans.
The pollen is very aggressive and almost impossible to wipe off. In case of contact it is recommended to wash it off with soap and water. Feel free to liberally use disinfectant - you never know where the pollen has been before.
.
July 30th, 2008 at 2:35 am
So are you vegetarian even in your sexual fantasies ?
but seriously I couldn’t find any reference to any of the types of lilies you mentioned on the wiki page you linked to nor on Google ? I only found a reference to ‘Lilium puberulum’, which I’m guessing is a teenage lily ?
July 30th, 2008 at 9:25 am
*sings bloodhound gang* “..Do it like they do on the Discovery channel..”
again NICE photos! love details
July 30th, 2008 at 10:19 am
I fear this will only encourage your…unusual… plant fetish, but I find it hilarious:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsgFwJexZNY
July 30th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Did post hopefully amusing rubbish?
What do u mean by that? u read my recent posting?
July 30th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Guys! Read my recent post… I’m back to business!
July 30th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
@ PH: Hm, I guess I should take it as a compliment that you found me so convincing.
This post neither deals with scientific fact nor with sexual fantasies.
It is a story spun around me buying those lilies.
The red one seriously dusted everything and everyone with pollen; it was pretty incredible.
The lilium erotica got invented so the lilium perversum wouldn’t feel quite so alone.
There’ll - hopefully - be more almanach posts in the future. As far as I am planning anything for the future right now, they will only hold a very tiny grain of truth each.
@ Kik:
And thanks for the compliment on the photos.
@ Lelly: Hm. Weird commercial.
@ Caesar: I was referring to this post you are commenting on.
Yes, I read your post, habibi.
Too bad for the atheletes, but after the illegal disbanding of the committee it was obvious this was gonna happen. No great surprise from my side.
July 30th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
@ Lelly > vegans have weird fetishes….
And i wonder when men get tested for female hormones/features… http://www.faniq.com/images/blog/manboobs2.jpg O-)
July 31st, 2008 at 10:14 pm
erg Kik thats far more disturbing than any sexy vegan advert..*shudders*
August 1st, 2008 at 1:03 pm
oh and yes. yes we do
August 2nd, 2008 at 8:41 am
Have you ever tried cross-pollinating a lilium erotica with a lilium perversum? I suppose you would get something like a lilium nymphamanica.
What?! Caesar is back in business?!! I have to run and check this out!
August 3rd, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Lovely flowers, Mel, despite (?) their unusual attributes.
You will be proud of me, I tried Hummus for the first time yesterday evening. I don’t know how close it is to homemade though. It came in a box and you just added water and oil. Hmmm… Oh well, it was good and I would eat it again. I didn’t have any pita bread, just toasted French bread, but it worked.
Dry here. Very dry. *sigh* And the tomatoes have blight, so may have to buy some for salsa. The jalepeno’s and chili’s are doing okay though.
August 9th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
Mwahahaaaa. Great, Sis. Absolutely great. Please do the next one soon.
August 30th, 2008 at 10:13 am
Is it time for a new post? It sure is at my blog. I should really get my arse in gear.
August 31st, 2008 at 10:49 pm
It’s definitely time for a new post.
Preferably about another piece of astonishing flora…^^
September 8th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
new post, New Post, NEW POST!!!
*marches up and down, shaking a “new post” sign*
September 9th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
I would join the march Mafdet, but its been even longer since I posted! Still, a new post would be nice.
September 10th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
Bye the way, Sis, you were right. The mushrooms are in full bloom…
September 12th, 2008 at 7:09 pm
Whatta!
hey there! i was sending an offline to V-knight (who responds to that faster than email, dunno why) and Khalid caught me online, so i thought i’d just come over and say hi, seeing that you accuse me of being REactive instead of PROactive
so how is Iraq’s #1 favorite german doing these days? no seriously, i hope all is ok with u
thank you for the comment on facebook
and thinking that it shows i care about my friends, i just signed in with my name, not alias
thanks again!
September 17th, 2008 at 9:35 pm
Hm… the comments to “temporary post as life sign” are closed, so I’ve got to comment here.
So, saving your ‘puter by “remote control” didn’t work out?
September 18th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
What sort of trouble are you having? Does it seem like a virus or is it a hardware issue?
September 23rd, 2008 at 6:06 pm
Mel told me ist seems like a virus. And at the moment she’s at a loss how to get rid of it.
September 23rd, 2008 at 9:31 pm
Antivirus software?
September 24th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
Yes, well… as far as I understood what she told me, it’s like this: She starts the thing, it boots - then shuts off again.
There doesn’t seem to be enough time to start any antivirus software.
But don’t ask me - I’m strictly a user, I don’t know anything about the inner workings of those fabulous machines.
September 25th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
That sounds pretty serious. Anarki might have some idea about what to do. To bad he can’t make a house call.
Are there any computer experts in Mel’s village?
September 26th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
Alas, there aren’t…
September 30th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
But let’s look at the bright side: As long as Mel can’t get online, nothing can stop us from spamming, mwahaahaaa!
*bounces away, spouting deranged laughter*
September 30th, 2008 at 7:46 pm
Hmmm, yes I suppose we could post a lot of really siliceous material while Mel isn’t looking.
I could talk about my great love for the music of Kansas and Styx, for example. Or I could talk about the astrophysical theory of black holes, or my newly discovered enjoyment of the old BBC show Red Dwarf. Or, I could just say that I really really wish that I had some delicious cake or pie right now. 
October 1st, 2008 at 12:15 am
See? It’s already starting…
October 1st, 2008 at 2:24 am
Melantrys is wishing everyone a happy eid and cannot be online due to computer problems! so if you are a fellow camel-driver(ess), HAPPY EID FROM MELANTRYS!
oh and me as well
p.s. i already posted this on the post below.
October 11th, 2008 at 4:45 am
So, what’s happening here? Any luck yet getting the computer unfritzed? Did you try giving it more cheese?
February 7th, 2010 at 6:00 pm
I would say that your Lilium erotica is in reallity Lilium canadense
February 7th, 2010 at 6:05 pm
Lol, thank you; it didn’t say what kind of lily it was at the home improvement store.
Not that its true name would matter for this post…